What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

And who doesn’t know suffering?

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

(And it was in our own minds.)

What is your review of working in EY?

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

So whats the point in blame.

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I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I was scared of men, in general

What does it mean to live "the 'underconsumption' life"?

I had hoped to write a book about this .

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

Do you consider yourself pretty?

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

What was your most embarrassing and humiliating bare bottom spanking?

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Who then, do I blame.?

Why does cocaine makes me want to dress up and get fuck

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

Would this be the day?

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

Which country do you recommend for me to live in, England, the USA, Italy, Spanish, or Austria?

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

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He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

What did i know ?

Comes on , in middle age.

Which scene is considered the most difficult to watch in each of Quentin Tarantino's movies?

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

My family never makes their pension either.

What type of crossdresser are you?

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Do you like to wear a see-through skirt?

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

But ive been too sick for many years..

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

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And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

How do military families balance personal political views with respect for civilian leadership?

But it wasn’t much.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

What is the STAR interview method?

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

When she asked me how she looked .

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

She found it foreign!.

My life is so biszare .

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

I could never make a relationship work though!

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

Im still living with it.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

The only rule us 5 kids had .

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

I was seconnd youngest,

I know ,a lot about trauma.

I have no regrets .

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

I was 9 years of age.

I never cut or harmed myself..

She married twice! .

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

It was going to be , some day.

Especially a lifetime of it.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

So, i spoilt her more .

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

I write beautiful poetry .

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Ive learnt so much.

He resisted the act ,that day.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

All the time i was locked up.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

He knew the spot.

And i lived it daily.

One cannot live in the past .

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

Why did i forgive my father ?

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

We were not on the streets..

Was to survive, this bastard.

She wouldn,t have been !

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

I couldn’t, believe it.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

But, we were locked up after school.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

I said to her

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

This is soul school!.

I think the readers, may guess!

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

She loved him until the end.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

We all went to grammer schools

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

As i do to all so called friends.?

I will be 64.

Put me off passion for life!!

She was in good health!

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

I was very sick at this time too.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

I waited trembling.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

I don,t even have a pension.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.